5 Reasons You Should Never Feel Bad When Someone Criticizes Your Writing

by Ali on May 12, 2011

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Today, I’m bringing you something a little different.

This is the first guest post I’ve ever run on Aliventures, and it’s from the Egyptian blogger Farouk Radwan.

If, like me, you hang around in the personal development bit of the blogosphere, you’ll almost certainly have heard of Farouk. He runs the very successful blog 2KnowMyself, which is packed with straightforward advice on a huge range of topics.

Not only that, but Farouk is also a generous sponsor of Aliventures: you can see his logo over in the right-hand sidebar. His contribution helps me pay for all the things which keep this blog running – hosting, the theme (Thesis), the design and so on.

I admire Farouk hugely: I can only imagine how hard I’d find it to build a successful blog in a second language, but Farouk’s done just that. I see him all over the blogosphere, leaving positive and encouraging comments for other bloggers – you may well have seen his comments here at Aliventures too.

Farouk’s English will sound a little odd to native speakers. I’ve left his post as it stands, because I wanted to give you his voice, not my edited interpretation of it.

So, over to Farouk…

 


 

Certainly we are not perfect humans and no one can claim that he has become so skilled to the extent that people don’t have the right to criticize his work, However, in everyday life we across people who criticize us not because they want us to be better but because of other bad intentions.

For example I know that my friend Ali is a great writer and if one day I wanted to tell her a remark that is not positive I will send her a private mail so that she is the only one who sees it but if I wrote that negative unconstructive  comment on her wall on Facebook or as a comment on one of her posts then I might be having a different intention.

This is why you should never feel bad when someone criticizes your writing in a bad way:

1) Jealous people always criticize others: If a jealous person noticed some positive comments on your posts he might become jealous and start attacking you not because he wants you to be better but because he wants to put you down.

2) The need for attention: If a person feels that he is not successful or that no one is giving any attention to him he might start criticizing and attacking the ones who have this attention in order to steal some of it. Again not all critical comments come from bad people but when the comment has nothing more than bad words or an insulting meaning than definitely the problem is with the person who wrote the comment.

3) Wanting to feel superior: I have been studying psychology since years and I know that all human beings like to feel powerful to a certain extent however when a person feels inferior deep inside he might not find any good way to feel superior other than to criticize and attack the ones who appear more successful than him.

4) Feeling desperate: If I was feeling really desperate because I wanted to improve my writing then I  came across a post that didn’t help me achieve that goal I might attack that person who wrote it not because his post was bad but because I am desperate. I was once advertising for an online course about the psychology of love on Facebook then suddenly a person appeared out of nowhere and started to attack us on the event’s wall. After some psychological analysis it was found that this guy is a DJ who was desperate to find an event that can help him become more famous and upon discovering that our event could not help him he became mad, felt desperate and started attacking us.

5) Reality shock: If a person discovered a true fact that he didn’t like after reading a certain post then he might attack the writer even if the post was great. For example if I came across a post written by Ali that  made me discover that people won’t like my blog because my writing style is not good I might attack Ali if I was a bad person.

Final words

It’s easy to know whether the person’s intentions are good or bad based on the way he sends you the critical comments. Sometimes a person might write a comment that is not positive on my fan page in front of hundreds of other people yet he does it in a way that never makes me feel that he has bad intentions and sometimes another person sends me a private message that makes me conclude that he has any other intention other than seeing me do better.

 

Written by M.Farouk Radwan

The founder of http://www.2knowmyself.com

The Ultimate source for self understanding.

 

 

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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

Shlomo May 12, 2011 at 9:48 am

Hi Farouk:
Thanks for this post. Criticism is important. One source of growth is to be told that what we are doing can be done in a better way. It is an art to share criticism in a way that helps a person.

You are writing about people who criticize without trying to help a person grow. None of us need that.
Shlomo’s last blog post ..Late Dinner

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Ali May 12, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I absolutely agree with you, Shlomo: constructive criticism (or “feedback” like Tim says!) is very useful. And yes, Farouk is talking about the destructive, negative kind of criticism.

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Tim Brownson May 12, 2011 at 1:10 pm

All sound advice and then you can flip it at the end and reframe it as a learning experience too.

@Shlomo – Criticism becomes an art when the recipient feels it’s feedback. Criticism never feels good.
Tim Brownson’s last blog post ..The Best Piece Of Self Development Advice is Back!

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farouk May 12, 2011 at 1:12 pm

You are completely Right Tim
its all about the way its delivered and the intention behind it

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farouk May 12, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Yes Shlomo you are right,
some people criticize you just to push you down and not to help you grow. Being able to spot such persons is essential to maintain your psychological well being. Other wise you might start to have self doubts even if you are doing well

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Archan Mehta May 12, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Farouk,

Thanks to you for contributing this article. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find a guest post on Aliventures.
It was a good call to have you aboard here–in my humble opinion.

Congratulations on your success in Egypt. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to communicate in another language and become a commercial success like you. I feel happy for your outstanding contributions.

Several times, I have had the pleasure of reading your comments on several blogs. So, kudos to you about it.
It must be really challenging to juggle so many different roles or functions. It speaks well for your abilities.

As far as criticism is concerned, it is perhaps better to take it with a pinch of salt. While we cannot progress without constructive criticism, it is best to ignore misdirected criticism from people who are negative.

There are spiteful people out there who will criticise you because of a personal agenda. Vindictive types may go for the jugular just for the thrill of it. And there are other creeps who will attack you just because they feel like it or are having a bad day. In our lives, it is perhaps best to avoid cynical types who don’t have a good word to say about you or who are non-contributors. Me, I would rather read a good book and spend my time in solitary activities.But that’s just me.

Life is short. Who has the time, money or energy to surround oneself with such people? It is perhaps better to keep to yourself or mix with like-minded people. Ali has, over the years, devoted her time to a writer’s group, and that has helped her evolve as a professional writer. Such maturity is praiseworthy and rare. After all, “man is known by the company he keeps,” goes the saying. Have a good one. Cheers to your work and life, friend.

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Ali May 12, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Glad you enjoyed the guest post, Archan! And thank you for all your kind words to Farouk, and for extending his post with your thoughts here.

I agree that avoiding negative people is a good idea (and like you, I’d often prefer a good book to other people’s company…!)

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farouk May 12, 2011 at 1:34 pm

thank you so much for your comment and nice words Archan , i am flattered in fact :)
you just made my point clearer. Being criticized for an inner agenda can hinder our personal growth and might result in self doubts. That’s why its important to be able to spot the trolls who do it :)
Keep in touch dear :)

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radman May 12, 2011 at 2:13 pm

You hit it on the head with those 5. Hearing criticisms from those I hang around with makes me think I need to get some new friends.

Radman

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farouk May 13, 2011 at 9:10 pm

hhehehe
Thank you Radman for your comment
i am glad i helped :)

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Shreya May 12, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Dear Farouk,

I realised a few things from your blog. I’ve done some nasty things in the past, only because I never got along with the person.
And I’ve been at the receiving end too, and that has deeply hurt.
Thank you so much for this encouraging post =)
Warm regards,
Shreya

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farouk May 13, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I am the one who is thankful for your support Shreya and nice words:)
i wish you all the best in your life
please keep in touch :)

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Gene Lempp May 12, 2011 at 10:07 pm

What an excellent post Farouk! You are right on target and much of what you said is exactly what I tell others when they run into a person that is mean and rude without justification.

Very glad I stopped in to read this today!

Thanks to Ali for hosting. I’d say your first ever guest post was a perfect hit :)
Gene Lempp’s last blog post ..Plotting the Iceman

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Ali May 13, 2011 at 1:37 pm

So glad you liked it, Gene! :-)

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farouk May 13, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I am really happy With your words Gene
the main reason i am happy is that people got this post correctly. My only intention behind it was to help people withstand the negativity they come across each day

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Alison Elliot May 13, 2011 at 1:44 am

Simple, straight forward and totally accurate. I like this kind of ‘cut to the chase’ honesty. Thanks you Farouk and you too Ali for sharing your blog in this way.
Alison Elliot’s last blog post ..Living In The Vibe Of ‘Ono’

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farouk May 13, 2011 at 9:12 pm

You Are most Welcomed Alison
keep in touch please :)

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Doug May 13, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Letter of complaint to my Favourite fantastic ‘frabjous’ daughter-in-law

This article has stopped me going out for a very long walk.

I have just spent 2 hours dipping into Farouks site, and I know I will spend more time soon. I like your practical approach, which is positive without any of the “false positive can do approach”.
Doug
PS. sunset is not for another 8 hours so I still have time for a long walk.
PPS I believe Humpty Dumpty said a word can mean whatever I want it to mean so I leave the description of ‘frabjous’ (21/4/11) to you (as long as it is a compliment).

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Ali May 13, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I’ll assume that ‘frabjous’ means ‘totally wonderful in every way’ then ;-)

And I agree — Farouk’s a very practical, action-and-results-focused guy. Probably why he does so well as a blogger!

Hope you get that walk in…

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Doug May 13, 2011 at 10:04 pm

ABSOLUTELY, and if you can encourage others to use it, then it might make your home town’s illustrious dictionary.

And yes I did. Thirteen pleasant miles through Hertfordshires fields and woods.

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farouk May 13, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Thank you so much Doug
I am also really glad you stopped by my blog, you can always contact directly there on the forum or using the contact form
keep in touch :)

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Zac May 13, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Awesome guest post Ali…and Farouk is a natural choice for a first guest post.

Farouk’s, 2KnowMyself blog is one of the first blogs that made me want to blog in the first place, along with your blog Ali, and a handful of others. You’ve both done an amazing job, and I admire you both.

I guess as writers and bloggers we are constantly open to criticism when we write anything in a public forum. Exposure to criticism has actually kept me from sharing my writing with the world for a long time.

It still does sometimes…but I’m going to keep putting it out there.
Zac’s last blog post ..One Of The Best Self-Help Books Ever!

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farouk May 13, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Zac, that’s seriously an honor for me to know that i was one of the reasons you decided to start blogging, if you need any help pal just feel free to use the contact form on my website or reach me through the forums there
i wish you all the best in your blogging journey :)

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farouk May 13, 2011 at 9:18 pm

A BIG FAT THANK YOU TO ALI :)
i Am really thankful Ali that you gave me such an opportunity! i am flattered by your words about me, you made me seem like a real successful person while in fact i am still in the beginning of the road
Great friends like you are the ones who push me forward and the ones i can never forget :)
I wish you all the best Ali and will certainly contact you soon when i publish your post;)

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Ali May 14, 2011 at 7:05 am

Aww, thanks, Farouk! And thank you for sending a great guest post :-)

I guess it’s a long road — though a rewarding one. I’ve definitely still got a fair way to go yet…

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Guru Talks May 16, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Farouk, nice post !

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Rajni September 1, 2013 at 11:03 pm

Today I got to know about a negative feedback which was shared by a team member in team meeting where i was not present. i am deeply hurt bcoz i trusted the team mate so much. I am trying to find something good out of it and after reading the post I am more encouraged.Thanks.

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