Why You Might Want to Postpone Your Dreams

You’ve got a dream. A big dream. You’re keen to go for it … but you’re not ready to take the plunge just yet.

Some folks would tell you to follow your heart, to “just do it”, and to hell with the consequences. Hey, you’ll make it work out, right? Waiting around is just giving in to fear, isn’t it?

I’m not of that school of thought, myself. I know that there are often very good reasons to postpone a dream. Perhaps you can’t realistically afford to go down a particular path right now, or practical details mean you just need to be patient.

Back in February 2008, I knew I wanted to leave my day job and become a freelance writer. But I didn’t have enough of a financial safety net, and it didn’t make sense to quit at that point. I waited. I cut back on my spending and saved around a third of my post-tax pay each month (plus the money I was earning from on-the-side freelancing). I left at the end of July 2008.

Because I waited, because I put money into savings, I’ve not ever had to think about going back into full-time employment.

What’s your biggest dream? If it’s something like one of these:

• Changing to a new career
• Starting a family
• Emigrating
• Starting a business
• Taking a sabbatical
• Travelling the world

…then you may well be doing the right thing in biding your time.

Follow Your Heart …?

I believe that it is good to follow your heart: to seek out the work and play which brings you truly alive, and to learn what you can best bring to the world from your unique gifts and talents.

But…

Following your heart does not mean forgetting that you have a head.

There’s a lot of talk about passion and even obsession amongst bloggers who I know. I’ve already explained why I think it’s unhealthy to be obsessed with your work. I also think that it’s plain stupid to try making following your heart the storyline of your life.

Sorry to break it to you, but your life isn’t a Hollywood movie.

Yes, of course you should figure our your real values and priorities and build your life around them. But you don’t have to do that by taking a giant leap into the unknown.

Are You Self-Sabotaging?

Some folks do drop everything and chase their dream. They go all out trying to achieve it … and when it doesn’t work out, they’re understandably upset. Perhaps they felt all along that they were being sold a lie, that no-one can ever really have the life of their dreams, that life is “nasty, brutish and short” (Leviathan, Thomas Hobbes) and we can’t do anything to change that.

This is a form of self-sabotage.

If you’re afraid that you don’t have the ability to follow-through on your dreams (including the hard, slogging bits), then isn’t it easiest to make sure you never set yourself up with a good chance?

Oh, sure, you tried. It just didn’t work out.

I’ve done that before. When I was in my third year as an undergraduate, I applied to the University of East Anglia for a creative writing MA. I’d never really had anything published. I wasn’t really ready.

I got turned down without even an interview.

And I didn’t think, “Hey, I’ll take a year out, work on my writing and apply again.” I didn’t think, “Hey, I’ll just apply somewhere else.” No, UEA had been my dream, and now it was gone. I spent months in a sulk and with no idea what I wanted to do with the next few years of my life.

Four years later, I’m loving my MA in creative writing at Goldsmiths (and I actually think the course here has suited me much better than the UEA one would have). I’ve enjoyed my time living in London. I’ve got much more out of my MA because of the couple of years I spent in the real world after being an undergraduate.

Sometimes, your dream needs to wait a year or two. That’s no disaster. It’s may well work out for the best.

Don’t Settle for Unhappiness

A quick note here: don’t resign yourself to being miserable in the present moment. It may well the case that you have to put up with a less-than-ideal job or life situation … but that doesn’t mean you have to hate every second of it. You also don’t have to spent all your free time working towards your dream.

Find some time for yourself each day. Reconnect with old friends. Look for ways to make the not-so-good bits of life a little more bearable.

Keeping the Dream Alive

I know how hard it is when you’ve got a dream, a really big goal which excites you and which you can’t chase just yet.

It’s hard. It takes a lot of self-discipline to keep working away at a day job while you save up for that round-the-world trip of your dreams. It’s tough to keep socking money into a savings account because you’re determined that when you move house, you’re going to set yourself up in a good position – rather than taking on a terrifying amount of debt.

So what can you do, when you’re stuck in a less-than-ideal life, dreaming of the future?

Set a Target

First, set yourself a target. When I knew I was going to quit my job, I started saving up my money. I knew how much I wanted in the bank before I left, and I knew what date I wanted to leave.

Whatever your dream is, pick a date in the future – not too far in the future – where it’s realistic to go for it. Perhaps it’s a year down the line. Perhaps it’s three years. It might be after you finish your college course, or when you’ve saved up a certain amount of money, or once your kids have left home.

I think there are huge benefits to having a target. It lets you:

• Stay focused. If you’re determined to quit by January next year, you’ll be determined to keep squirreling money away into savings.
• Turn a vague dream into a clear goal.
• Take concrete steps.

Tell Someone

Find a person you can trust, and tell them about your dream. (Obviously, pick carefully, it’s probably best not to tell your co-workers that you’re desperate to quit…)

Choose someone who’s enthusiastic and kind, and who won’t tell you that you’re crazy or over-ambitious or living in a dream world. (You can tell me your dream, if you like. My dream is to be a professional novelist; I’m as crazy and over-ambitious as you can get. )

Read About It

This is something which you’re probably already doing anyway: read about your dream. Buy magazines or books related to it. Get the RSS feed for your favourite blogs in that area.

When I’d begun to think seriously about freelancing, I read lots of blogs – like Freelance Switch and Freelance Folder – and books about copywriting and business. I did this to learn more and get ideas, but I also found it helped me stay motivated and focused.

Do What Preparation You Can

You might not be able to actively chase your dream right this minute – but you can do a lot to prepare. Let’s say your big dream is to quit your job and launch your own small business. Rather than simply saving up your emergency fund until you’ve got enough in the bank to quit, how about also:

• Doing some work for free to get testimonials
• Researching other small business owners doing similar things
• Figuring out what you could learn in your current job to apply to your future business. Some of the technical skills I learnt in my day job translated well to blogging.
• Start building up relationships with people in the industry. That doesn’t need to mean anything high-pressure, like going to networking events. It could just mean commenting on their blogs, chatting to them on Twitter, or dropping them a brief email. (Jade Craven has a great post about networking here.)

If your big dream involves quitting your day job, then check out my free ebook Quit Your Day Job, which outlines three broad routes towards making a living without a boss.

And if your main limiting factor is funds – and that’s the case for a lot of us – then you’ll also want my other free ebook More For Your Money, which includes plenty of tips on getting the most out of your money and figuring out where it all goes.

What’s your big dream? What’s your plan for getting there – and for setting yourself up for success?