How to Get Going When You’re Scared

Ever wanted to do something, but been too scared to start?

Yeah, me too.

I get scared every time I tackle something new. When I went to Austin last month, it was the first time I’d ever flown on my own and the first time I’d ever visited the States. I was so hyped and wound up I could barely eat (which is pretty darn unusual for me).

The first time I wrote to a literary agent was scary. The first exam I took at university was scary. The first time I sent a guest post to Copyblogger, I put off emailing them for days because I was feeling intimidated. (Actually, Copyblogger still scares me, they’re just so darn good.)

When I launched the Aliventures newsletter last week, I was scared. What if you lovely people all hated the idea? What if the only sign-up was my test one? What if some technical thing went terribly wrong?

The thing is, though, being scared and being excited often go hand-in-hand. If something really matters to you, it’s bound to bring a bit of fear too. (Like working for yourself, or writing fiction.) And we want to find ways to get going on the things which excite us, despite being afraid.

What I really want say today is:

It’s Normal to be Scared. And It’s Okay.

For a good while, I just assumed that I was timid, a ‘fraidy-cat, even a coward. I thought that no-one else got scared about things which seemed so tiny: travelling alone, talking to clients, writing to editors.

I worried that fear wasn’t just a sign that I was a bit screwy – I thought it also meant that there was something wrong with my plans or my projects. I thought I was scared because I wasn’t ready, or because my ideas were a bit crap.

What I’ve realised over the past couple of years is that it’s incredibly normal to be afraid. I don’t know where this quote comes from, but it really resonates with me:

The absence of fear is not courage. The absence of fear is mental illness.

I’ve seen lots of bloggers, people who I really admire (like Naomi Dunford, and Dave Navarro and Charlie Gilkey) write about their own fears. Like this:

I’m afraid that all of my gigs will fall through at the same time and Jamie and I will have to go back to working for the man. … I’m afraid people will decide that given my background (see: pregnant teenager, college dropout) I have no business calling myself an authority on anything.

(Naomi Dunford, Entrepreneurship: What To Do When You’re Scared Sh*tless, IttyBiz)

And like this:

It’s no accident I’ve been writing about [fears and insecurities] lately, because I”ve been working overtime pushing past self-doubts and anxieties around a very important subject … quitting my day job.

(Dave Navarro, Fears, Worries and Oh, I Just Quit My Day Job, The Launch Coach)

And like this (go and watch the videos on this one!):

So…it’s time. You’ve seen the guitars in the background for a long time. Many of you have requested that I record myself playing and I’ve been too terrified to do it.

I’ve told many of you that we don’t get over fear, but instead learn to work with and through it. This is what that looks like.

(Charlie Gilkey, Charlie + Guitar: Birds Without Wings, Productive Flourishing)

There’s nothing wrong with me. There’s nothing wrong with you. Of course we get scared when we’re tackling something new. It’s survival instinct. Your brain and body don’t want you to go launching into the great unknown – they want you to stay nice and safe in your armchair.

It often looks like everyone else has it sussed, that they’re striding on through life without every feeling anxious or het up about some little new thing. Trust me, most of the time they’re just as unsure and nervous as you are. They’re just not admitting that.

It Will Get Easier

This is one I’ve known since being a kid: however scary something is the first time, it’ll be a little bit easier the second time. And a bit easier still the third time. And eventually – by the tenth or twentieth or hundredth time – you’ll not only find it easy, you’ll be enjoying it, and you’ll hardly be able to remember what was ever scary about it.

I’m sure you’ve got dozens of examples from your own life about something which was terrifying the first time you did it … and which is second-nature now. Things like:

• Driving a car
• Giving a presentation at work
• Writing an essay
• Asking someone out
• Holding a baby

I’m often struck by how quickly something can go from terrifying to being okay. Here’s an example from Glen Allsopp:

Throughout school and college I think I’ve done around five speeches in total, dreading each one even more than the last … About six weeks ago I joined a local speakers club and last night I was officially made a new member, having made 3 successful speeches. … Now, instead of public speaking being a fear lurking in the corner of my mind, I really look forward to the events as I’ve met some amazing people and have minimal hesitation about getting up on stage and speaking in front of an audience.

(Glen Allsopp, I Conquered the World’s Biggest Fear, And You Can Too, PluginID)

I find that the best way to psyche myself up for something new is not to try to convince myself I’m not afraid. Instead, I accept that I’m scared. I don’t dwell on it, but I acknowledge it. And I remind myself that this is the worst it will ever be. After this one time, after this first attempt at something new, it will always be getting easier.

Minimise Your Fear

Being a bit nervous might be inevitably – but being absolutely terrified definitely isn’t.

I find that I’m less scared of new things when I feel fully prepared. I like to plan and think things through carefully, and allow for problems arising. For instance, when I travelled to Austin, I made sure I got to Heathrow well before my flight was due to depart. When I launched my newsletter last week, I tested it out several times, and signed up for it myself, just to make sure everything was working.

Working through that fear requires the same principle: 1) acknowledge the fear and its consequences, 2) work through every bad scenario that runs through your head, and 3) figure out ways to work through that scenario.

(Charlie Gilkey, How to Overcome the Fear of Uncertainty, Productive Flourishing)

Have a plan. Facing fear and working through it does not need to mean jumping in feet-first. For some folks, I think that does work – just getting on with it and working out the kinks along the way. But for most of us, a bit of planning and forethought goes a long way towards tackling fears.

Without catastrophising or working yourself into a state, it can help to think through worst case scenarios, pinpointing what you’re really afraid of. Perhaps you want to start selling your paintings, but you’re scared that people won’t like them – you’re worried you won’t make any sales. Is this really a disaster?

In most cases, the worst that can really happen is that your project doesn’t succeed. Even if that’s going to have a serious financial impact, it’s not going to kill you. You’ll recover from it.

And, almost always, the worst case scenario is pretty unlikely. What’s much more likely is that you will do fine. You’ll learn something. You’ll come out a bit stronger.

Take One Little Step

It’s so easy to get paralysed and overwhelmed by fear. I know there are times when I’ve stared at some huge thing in my life that just looks too enormous to tackle.

You don’t need to do it all at once.

This isn’t about facing down your terror (and ending up completely stuck, or so strung-out emotionally that you can’t do anything else for days). This is about taking one step outside your comfort zone.

Let’s say your big goal is to run your own small business, making and selling luxury knitted goods. You do not need to start by quitting your day job, knitting for 18 hours a day, and re-mortgaging your house to buy the snazziest website known to the woolly world. You don’t need to phone the world’s most famous knitters asking for their advice.

Instead, you could start by making a few free pieces for friends. You could ask them for testimonials. You could set up an etsy account. You could start a free blog on Blogger. You could read free advice about small business marketing. You could look for people doing something similar, and drop them a quick, polite email to ask if they’ve got any tips.

What’s scaring you at the moment? What little step can you take?

(If you’re stuck, share with the rest of us in the comments, and see if we can help you forwards. If you’re getting through fear, share your success and see if you can inspire us!)