It’s Okay to Spend Money on Yourself

If you’re following me on Twitter, you might know that I bought a guitar last week. (I now have the guitar. I’ve managed to play two chords. I won’t be quitting blogging to become a rockstar just yet.)

I’ve been thinking of getting a guitar for a while. I like listening to music, but I really like being able to play music too – and I’m thinking of restarting piano lessons (I gave up when I was 13) in a few months.

I had mixed feelings about buying the guitar, though.

On the one hand, I was excited. I quite like buying things. As a teenager, I liked going into town every few weeks and spending my allowance or babysitting money (usually on magazines, books and computer games). There’s something really fun about having new things, getting the shrink-wrap off, reading instructions, digging in.

But at the same time, I felt like I was doing something bad and self-indulgent.

Cutting Your Spending?

On the one hand, lots of us are spending ourselves into debt. While I’ve been lucky enough (and generally restrained enough) not to get into any huge financial problems, I’ve had times when I’ve been spending more than I’ve been earning. It’s not a good place to be in, and it’s all too easy to bury your head and think things will improve in a month or two.

There are dozens of great personal finance blogs and books which are aimed at people who’ve ended up into a bad situation. There’s often a very strong focus on cutting unnecessary spending. Here’s one example:

Standing in line at the store? Look through your purchases and ask yourself if you could skip that purchase, or find something cheaper instead.

(Trent Hamm, Training Your Mind: Ten Personal Finance Mental Exercises You Can Do Anytime, The Simple Dollar)

And here’s another:

The 30-day rule is a simple method to control impulse spending. Here’s how it works:

1. Whenever you feel the urge to splurge — whether it’s for new shoes, a new videogame, or a new car — force yourself to stop. If you’re already holding the item, put it back. Leave the store.
2. When you get home, take a piece of paper and write down the name of the item, the store where you found it, and the price. Also write down the date.
3. Now post this note someplace obvious: a calendar, the fridge, a bulletin board. (I use a text file on my computer.)
4. For the next thirty days, think whether you really want the item, but do not buy it.
5. If, at the end of a month, the urge is still there, then consider purchasing it. (But do not use credit to do so.)

(J.D. Roth, Control Impulse Spending With the 30-Day Rule, Get Rich Slowly)

Now, this advice is great if you’re in the target audience. If you’re in debt and struggling to develop some good financial habits, this stuff works. J.D. and Trent are both great writers helping a huge number of people.

However … it’s also easy to take this too far.

A year or so ago, I’d often talk myself out of purchases. There’d be something I wanted – sometimes at a fairly negligible price, like a few pounds – and I’d tell myself that I didn’t need it. I’d talk myself out of buying magazines because, hey, I have the internet, I don’t need to spend money on reading material. I’d never think of going out for a coffee on my own, because, hey, I have plenty of coffee at home.

This didn’t make me happier. This didn’t result in me saving up loads of extra money. It just made me feel miserable. In many ways, I felt like I was better off as a teenager. At least then, I’d been able to buy stuff that I genuinely wanted.

I’ve spent money on various business-related items over the past couple of years, everything from ebooks to business cards to magazine subscriptions. Although I’m often a little more hesitant here, I’ve never felt guilty about it. The same goes for my MA course fees. But when it comes to buying something just because I want it, something which has no relation to my “work” but only to my leisure time … I’ve often stalled and hesitated and talked myself out of it.

Valuing Your Creativity

A few months ago, I read Julia Cameron’s famous book The Artist’s Way. “Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance” really stuck with me. Here’s just a short quote:

Because art is born in expansion, in a belief in sufficient supply, it is critical that we pamper ourselves for the sense of abundance it brings to us.

… What gives us true joy? That is the question to ask concerning luxury, and for each of us the answer is very different. For Berenice, the answer is raspberries, fresh raspberries. For the cost of a pint of raspberries, she buys herself an experience of abundance. … “They cost $1.98 to $4.50, depending on the season. I always tell myself they are too expensive, but the truth is that’s a bargain for a week of luxury. It’s less than a movie. Less than a deluxe cheeseburger. I guess it’s just more than I thought I was worth.”

(Julia Cameron, p108/110, The Artist’s Way – Amazon.com / Amazon.co.uk)

The idea felt very uncomfortable to me. It seemed self-indulgent – as did Cameron’s suggestion of taking an “artist’s date” for two hours a week.

It seems legitimate enough to spend money on a writing course or programme, but it feels more frivolous to spend money on something which doesn’t directly translate into new skills and new words on the page.

I’m deliberately trying to loosen up about my spending and about my creativity. That’s one of the reasons I bought the guitar. It’s also why I don’t tend to follow any personal finance blogs very closely. And why I’m not keeping a spending log.

A sense of scarcity doesn’t help me to create. That doesn’t mean that I stick my head in the sand and ignore the fact that money is a finite resource – but it does mean that I’ve stopped worrying about every last penny.

Of course there are days when I feel like I should be saving more or that I should be tracking what Paul and I spend, or that we should be trying to shave 10% off our grocery bill. But, at the moment, we’re not in a stage where we need to – and, frankly, I’d rather use my energy for something more creative than fine-tuning my budget.

Purposeful Spending

Before I end this post, I want to make it clear that I’m not talking about the sort of impulse spending which leaves you feeling bad. You know the kind of thing:

• You get something home and you’re already thinking why did I buy this?
• You spend money you really can’t afford, or you put it on credit
• You buy something just because your friends all have one, even though you’re not really that keen on it

I’m talking about buying things which make you feel good. Not stuff you regret the moment you’re through the checkout. Of course, spending isn’t a shortcut to happiness. But if bringing some toys and treats into your life is an easy way to lift your week, boost your spirits and improve your motivation … why the heck shouldn’t you?

All in all, I spent £85 ($130) on the guitar (including amp, instruction DVD, etc). I felt great about it. I didn’t buy it because I thought it’d help me with my writing or somehow make me a better person … but simply because I wanted it.

No-one told me I should get a guitar. (Several people told me I shouldn’t: my sister thinks I’m not cool enough…) I didn’t go out and buy it on a whim just because I saw it cheap somewhere. I wanted it for a while. I wanted to give myself something nice, with the money that I’ve worked for.

It’s a good feeling.

If you find it really hard to spend money just on yourself, I’d suggest:

• Set a bit aside each week or month, so that you know you’ve got enough. Give yourself an allowance. (If you’ve got a joint account with your partner, this is a good way to ensure that both people get some “fun” money.)
• If you find it easy to spend on other people (and even to encourage them to spend their money on themselves), ask yourself why you aren’t worth the same.
• Think of some little things which you could buy, which give you a disproportionate mood lift. Mine are books and magazines – the price itself is pretty negligible (I tend to get books second-hand) but they feel like a real treat.