Comments on: Stop Trying to Please Everyone: Live Your Way http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/ Getting more from life Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:17:57 -0700 hourly 1 By: Ali http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-3072 Ali Tue, 20 Jul 2010 16:52:37 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-3072 Thanks Brianna! I'm sorry to hear about your degree :-( I was lucky that my folks supported my choice to study English Literature (and I'm now making a living writing, so I guess it worked out ;-)) I actually found that all the stuff that went alongside getting a degree ... friends, experiences, learning to be self-motivated and work on my own ... was more important to me than the degree itself. My take on it was that I didn't care much about a degree (I knew I wanted to write, rather than take the sort of job which needed a degree), but I *did* want the university experience. :-) Plus, having a degree does open up certain doors -- it gives you more options. That doesn't mean you have to take that path, though! Since you're nearly finished, I'd say stick with it, but make the most of your time as a student in other ways (perhaps making sure you get the time to explore things you might be interested in -- hobbies, volunteering, etc). And yep, definitely think about *your* values and priorities. It might be that family is one of your key values, and that's why you're keen to please your parents -- that's not a bad thing, but it's worth being aware of. Good luck! Thanks Brianna! I’m sorry to hear about your degree :-( I was lucky that my folks supported my choice to study English Literature (and I’m now making a living writing, so I guess it worked out ;-) ) I actually found that all the stuff that went alongside getting a degree … friends, experiences, learning to be self-motivated and work on my own … was more important to me than the degree itself.

My take on it was that I didn’t care much about a degree (I knew I wanted to write, rather than take the sort of job which needed a degree), but I *did* want the university experience. :-)

Plus, having a degree does open up certain doors — it gives you more options. That doesn’t mean you have to take that path, though!

Since you’re nearly finished, I’d say stick with it, but make the most of your time as a student in other ways (perhaps making sure you get the time to explore things you might be interested in — hobbies, volunteering, etc). And yep, definitely think about *your* values and priorities. It might be that family is one of your key values, and that’s why you’re keen to please your parents — that’s not a bad thing, but it’s worth being aware of.

Good luck!

]]> By: Ali http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-3071 Ali Tue, 20 Jul 2010 16:48:45 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-3071 I agree it's tough, and it takes a lot of working at for those of us who are naturally people-pleasers. I always feel obliged to tidy up if friends/relatives are coming over. Not sure I have any great tips, except for trying to be aware of when *you* are putting expectations on yourself, and gradually expanding your comfort zone (e.g. would everyone be just as happy with pizza as with an elaborate meal?) I agree it’s tough, and it takes a lot of working at for those of us who are naturally people-pleasers. I always feel obliged to tidy up if friends/relatives are coming over. Not sure I have any great tips, except for trying to be aware of when *you* are putting expectations on yourself, and gradually expanding your comfort zone (e.g. would everyone be just as happy with pizza as with an elaborate meal?)

]]> By: Brianna http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-3066 Brianna Mon, 19 Jul 2010 01:11:11 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-3066 Hi Ali, I too just came across your blog and really enjoyed your writing style and message! This topic is something that my friends and I have been talking about a lot recently. We're in our early 20s and come from a town where many people have a set of ideals we're not sure we agree with anymore. I'm also close to finishing college but I don't really like my degree or think it will be especially useful. But, my parents definitely want me to get a degree, and society in general seems to feel its the best choice. For me, it's not so much about pleasing a bunch of different groups of people, but more just one group - as it seems my parents and society all feel the same about this issue. I guess what I'm having a hard time with is trying to convince myself that my desires have validity, too. But its hard when sooo many people seem to have an opposing view. It makes me think I'm wrong. But I really liked your suggestion to think about what my own values and priorities are first. I think that's been something that's holding me back from really breaking out on my own. I don't even know if I myself want a degree or not. And so I'm lacking the confidence to take action either way. Anyway, great article, I'll be passing it along :). Thanks, Brianna Hi Ali,

I too just came across your blog and really enjoyed your writing style and message! This topic is something that my friends and I have been talking about a lot recently. We’re in our early 20s and come from a town where many people have a set of ideals we’re not sure we agree with anymore. I’m also close to finishing college but I don’t really like my degree or think it will be especially useful. But, my parents definitely want me to get a degree, and society in general seems to feel its the best choice. For me, it’s not so much about pleasing a bunch of different groups of people, but more just one group – as it seems my parents and society all feel the same about this issue. I guess what I’m having a hard time with is trying to convince myself that my desires have validity, too. But its hard when sooo many people seem to have an opposing view. It makes me think I’m wrong.

But I really liked your suggestion to think about what my own values and priorities are first. I think that’s been something that’s holding me back from really breaking out on my own. I don’t even know if I myself want a degree or not. And so I’m lacking the confidence to take action either way.

Anyway, great article, I’ll be passing it along :) .

Thanks,
Brianna

]]> By: Lea http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-3059 Lea Sat, 17 Jul 2010 01:14:51 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-3059 What a great article! I'm this type of person - always trying to make people happy. I live my life trying to please others before myself. I sometimes do it even when I am fed up and annoyed too. Sometimes I'll cry out and even suffer from anxiety because of this. I try to be a perfect host who has a really clean house, the tastiest meals, the most entertaining, etc., but then I get worn out and end up resenting the people who are staying at my home or my friends. I start wondering why can't they show me appreciation, gratitude or at least offer to help. I am sick and tired of living up to people's expectations, but it's so damn hard to change and not care what people think of you. Fear of rejection comes into play and it's ruining my life. I don't want my children being like me. What a great article! I’m this type of person – always trying to make people happy. I live my life trying to please others before myself. I sometimes do it even when I am fed up and annoyed too. Sometimes I’ll cry out and even suffer from anxiety because of this. I try to be a perfect host who has a really clean house, the tastiest meals, the most entertaining, etc., but then I get worn out and end up resenting the people who are staying at my home or my friends. I start wondering why can’t they show me appreciation, gratitude or at least offer to help. I am sick and tired of living up to people’s expectations, but it’s so damn hard to change and not care what people think of you. Fear of rejection comes into play and it’s ruining my life. I don’t want my children being like me.

]]> By: The importance of ideas « TheUniversityBlog http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2250 The importance of ideas « TheUniversityBlog Mon, 26 Apr 2010 16:18:41 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-2250 [...] worry about what you’re doing.  You can’t please everyone.  Many successful ideas look unworkable or unpopular until they go beyond the idea.  As they get [...] [...] worry about what you’re doing.  You can’t please everyone.  Many successful ideas look unworkable or unpopular until they go beyond the idea.  As they get [...]

]]> By: Why the Words You Use Matter So Much — Aliventures http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2009 Why the Words You Use Matter So Much — Aliventures Thu, 08 Apr 2010 14:05:27 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-2009 [...] If you find yourself constantly using strict, harsh words within your own thoughts, think about ways you could change them. Be particularly cautious about words like need and should – because they’re often not true. You don’t need a slice of chocolate cake … though you may want one, and that’s fine. And who says you should clean the kitchen? (Are you worrying about what other people will think?) [...] [...] If you find yourself constantly using strict, harsh words within your own thoughts, think about ways you could change them. Be particularly cautious about words like need and should – because they’re often not true. You don’t need a slice of chocolate cake … though you may want one, and that’s fine. And who says you should clean the kitchen? (Are you worrying about what other people will think?) [...]

]]> By: Carrying On When Rewards Are Distant — Aliventures http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-1396 Carrying On When Rewards Are Distant — Aliventures Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:11:48 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-1396 [...] fall somewhere in the middle ground here. I certainly agree you shouldn’t let your goals be dictated by other people, but I also believe that worthwhile goals are going to involve some tough [...] [...] fall somewhere in the middle ground here. I certainly agree you shouldn’t let your goals be dictated by other people, but I also believe that worthwhile goals are going to involve some tough [...]

]]> By: When You Have No Idea What You Want — Aliventures http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-953 When You Have No Idea What You Want — Aliventures Mon, 30 Nov 2009 16:40:27 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-953 [...] in the early days of Aliventures (in the not-so-dim-and-distant past of last July), I wrote about the dangers of trying to please everyone else. This is one of the biggest reasons why you might find it almost impossible to say what we want [...] [...] in the early days of Aliventures (in the not-so-dim-and-distant past of last July), I wrote about the dangers of trying to please everyone else. This is one of the biggest reasons why you might find it almost impossible to say what we want [...]

]]> By: Satya Murthy » Should You Care What Other People Think of You? http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-615 Satya Murthy » Should You Care What Other People Think of You? Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:24:10 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-615 [...] isn’t like high school: it doesn’t matter if you’re not popular. You can’t please everyone anyway – so don’t even try. Say “no” to commitments that you don’t want to take on. Be willing [...] [...] isn’t like high school: it doesn’t matter if you’re not popular. You can’t please everyone anyway – so don’t even try. Say “no” to commitments that you don’t want to take on. Be willing [...]

]]> By: Review Should You Care What Other People Think of You? Gadget Reviews http://www.aliventures.com/live-your-way/comment-page-1/#comment-607 Review Should You Care What Other People Think of You? Gadget Reviews Sat, 03 Oct 2009 05:01:16 +0000 http://www.aliventures.com/?p=180#comment-607 [...] Have to be PopularLife isn’t like high school: it doesn’t matter if you’re not popular. You can’t please everyone anyway – so don’t even try. Say “no” to commitments that you don’t want to take on. Be willing [...] [...] Have to be PopularLife isn’t like high school: it doesn’t matter if you’re not popular. You can’t please everyone anyway – so don’t even try. Say “no” to commitments that you don’t want to take on. Be willing [...]

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