On Houses, Loving Families, and Paying Forwards

A couple of years ago, when Paul and I were discussing the future, we’d expected to be renting accommodation from 2010-2011 – probably a small flat. We were planning to save up slowly towards a deposit, and keep careful records of my earnings so that we could get a mortgage.

Last Thursday we moved into our new house; three bedrooms, a garden, very well maintained – and we’re not renting.

I wish I could say it was down to some hard work and ingenuity on our part. The truth is, it’s not. My parents bought the house in cash, taking on 20% of the equity, and loaning Paul and I the other 80%.

I’m still not quite sure how I feel about this. “Unentitled” is the best word I’ve come up with. I feel like I don’t deserve it, especially when most of our peer group are still renting or saving up for deposits. I feel like I’ve cheated, somehow.

I’m also hugely grateful. We’re going to be paying back my parents each month, but because they’re not charging us interest, it’s going to work out far cheaper than having a mortgage. We’re in a much nicer area than we’d thought we’d be able to live. Other relatives have donated furniture, kitchen equipment and all sorts of items.

It’s a big change in our lives, and it’s one that I’m just about coming to terms with. When I was growing up, my parents didn’t have much money. But a couple of things happened over the past couple of years. Dad got some royalties (on a medicine he’d helped develop) that he wasn’t expecting to ever receive. And last year he sold the medical/science company he’d founded, to a much larger firm.

I’ve been hugely lucky. I know my parents would have helped us whatever – just as their parents helped them– but our new house simply wouldn’t have been a possibility a few years ago.

I’ve been given opportunities that I’d never imagined I’d have – and I want to make the most of them.

Making the Most of My Skills

I’m a good writer (though I feel uncomfortable saying that), and I love writing. You may well know that I make my living from it, writing for a number of big blogs, and writing the occasional magazine piece. I’m also working on a novel.

I want to take my writing further. I got a free membership to the World Changing Writers workshop, because I contributed my ebook The Blogger’s Guide to Effective Writing as a free bonus. I’m going to find the time to really dig into the materials there, to learn new techniques and ideas.

I want to finish my novel, and find an audience for it. I’ll stick with it when it’s hard, when I end up rewriting the same scene half-a-dozen different ways. I want to see it in bookshops – in part, because I know how proud that’ll make my mum and dad. I’m going to dedicate the book to them.

I want to grow my business. I’ve seen my dad found a company, employing one person for half a week, to begin with – and take it to the level where one of the big global players in the industry wanted to buy it. I’m not sure that my business is going to go in quite that direction … but I do want to keep pushing forwards, rather than settling for what’s become easy and comfortable.

My Family

I lived in London for nearly four years. Family visits have been confined to weekends and holidays. I’m really pleased to be back in Oxford, a fifteen minute walk from my parents’ house, and just five minutes away from the bungalow which my granny is moving into.

There’s no way we can repay my family financially for their help – but we’ll be able to help in other ways. We’re close enough to be there straight away if there’s a problem or emergency. I can use some of my technical ability to help out with computer problems. We can strengthen our bonds with my younger brother and sister.

Family is one of my most important values. I’m very glad that their love and kindness towards us has brought us back into a position where they can play a bigger role in our lives, and where we can be closer to them – not just geographically, but emotionally.

Paying it Forwards

When I was growing up, I know my mum’s parents helped my mum and dad financially. Paul and I want to be in a position where we can do the same for our own children. We want to use our money wisely and save sensibly, to build for the future.

Often in life, we can’t pay someone back for the help which they gave. There are so many times when I’ve been helped – by tutors, by colleagues, by friends – and where I haven’t got anything except gratitude to offer in return. What I can do is pay forwards … looking for opportunities to help someone who is, perhaps, in the same position that I once was.

I’ve been very blessed by my parents’ kindness: not simply financial help, but all their love, support and practical guidance over my whole life.

They don’t lay expectations on me, but they’ve always had high hopes for me.

I want to live up to that.