I’m a bit of a solo type myself, but I’ve found that collaborating on written projects can create a better result than I could on my own. I think a creative team-up is always going to be something that takes guts (our creative work is so personal, and it’s easy to feel that only we can do it well). Good luck!

I’m sure there’s a huge amount you could pay forwards: something that immediately springs to mind is that perhaps you could share your photography skills? My fiance’s dad is a great photographer, and I watched him teaching one of my fiance’s younger cousins how to use the camera when we visited during the holidays. It looked like a great experience for both of them.

Look forward to having you on board this year.

This thread stuck a particular chord – and I thank you for creating an “Aha moment ” for me … in a number of respects.

a ) Being afraid to ask for help …

As a photographer working on my own – I have found myself turning down some rather large ( 300 guests ) weddings – as I have misguidedly felt that I wanted to shoot solo – so that the success of the shoot would be all my own work. Not asking for help has hampered me and restricted my work.

From now on – I am going to approach other photographers so that together we can grow and benefit – and at the same time broaden my horizons.

b ) Pay Forward.

I have been given help in the past – and sometimes from sources least obvious to me at the time.
Personally I have felt that on a professional basis ( again misguidedly ) that I might not have skills to offer another person.
But there are many areas that we can help one another, be it emotionally or practically.

So I will take my head out of the sand and embrace the fact that we are on this journey for such a short time and however small our efforts – they may prove very rewarding to both sides.

Thank you.

Happy New Year – and I look forward to following you throughout 2010.

Cai

My retreat was really good, and one of the things I was working through there was being more able to receive wholeheartedly. I feel like I’ve made progress but I know it’s going to remain an area where I have to be open to really looking at my own feelings and motivations.

Thanks for the thought-provocations and the interesting conversation! (and I’m intrigued about your retreat as well!)

Michael, I think you’ve really hit it there (and much more clearly than I managed to!) when you say “There is nothing that I cannot achieve on my own, that doesn’t mean that it should though.” I think part of growing up is about accepting when it makes better sense to accept some help, rather than storming forwards on our own individual path. Plus, many activities and achievements are more fun when you have someone to share them with!

Thanks for that thought in return, I’m going to ponder it for a while myself
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I’m definitely with you on (1) — we hear a lot of success stories about people who “worked their way up” from the ground, and we don’t always realise the support team that’s behind every success. I remember as a kid, reading the Acknowledgements section in books and being incredulous about the number of people authors would thank. Of course, now I’ve done a fair bit of writing, I’m realising just how many names will be going in that section of my novel-in-progress…

Regarding (2), I was a bit unsure how to phrase that in the post. You’re right, we do have a fear of benefits cheats over here in the UK — actually, I’m very pro-welfare and I tend to be pretty optimistic about human nature! So maybe there is something going on subconsciously there. (Some sibling stuff too, I think; I’m the eldest of three in my family – brother aged 21, sister aged 18 – and they have quite a different attitude about accepting money from parents!)

Point (3) is a great one. Normally I feel happy to help; sometimes I feel a little impinged upon — I’m the sort of person who’s easy to ask, and I think that means I need to sometimes be a little more willing to explain when I’m actually busy/tired/etc…

Thanks again for chiming in: I’m off on retreat this weekend and your comments have given me a bit more to think about …!

So, some thoughts:

1) As children we form the idea of what adults are. In the current social set up of nuclear families (of one sort or another) with minimal interaction with extended family or the community we perceive our parents as not receiving help from anyone and so we get this idea that adults are people who can do everything on their own, therefore we are only successful if we do everything on our own.

More broadly, the media frequently portrays successful individuals and their amazing over night success, because it makes a good story. They rarely address the fact that those individuals likely had a lot of help and support on the way to the their not-so-overnight success. We perceive that successful people do it alone with lots of effort, and so we assume we have to as well, rather than noticing that they had a lot of help and connections.

2) Fear of being perceived as a moocher, as not contributing. You (perhaps) subconciously seemed to show one of the major reasons why we are like this: “I’m intrigued by why some people find it very easy to accept help (or, in less complimentary terms, to mooch off others)”. If you perceive that those who find it easy to accept help as predominantly moochers then you’re less likely to accept help, wanting to distance yourself from that stigma. Again, this is particularly so in cultures that have a strong perception that there are people who leach off ‘the system’, e.g. the concept of benefit cheats.

Acknowledging that mooching is more about the attitude of entitlement rather than accepting help, per se, and that there is a specturm between complete moocher and independently self-sufficient might help. Place yourself further toward the middle of the scale, towards balance. Allow yourself to receive help when offered, possibly even asking for help when necessary, all with an attitude of gratitude and reciprocity.

3) Final point, try reflecting on how you feel when you have the chance to genuinely help someone. Do you feel resentful and impinged on, or do you feel happy that you could help? Then, turn it around and realise that in accepting help from someone else, or asking for it in a mindful fashion, then you are allowing someone else to feel that way.
Karinne´s last blog ..Wheel of the Year