Comments on: Giving Up Commitments and Saying No to New Ones

By: Ali

Ali — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 18:14:08 +0000

Thanks Alex! Feel free to comment just to tell me how awesome I am … I’ll try not to get big-headed!

Creative Times (sorry, don’t know your name!) – that’s a great analogy with physical clutter. Dropping commitments that you no longer want is a bit like clearing out all those DVDs that you enjoyed once but won’t watch again, or those clothes which were never a great fit in the first place…

By: Creative Times

Creative Times — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 02:16:32 +0000

Ali

Great post! I just dropped two of my ongoing commitments with the intention of creating space for something new to come into my life. It can feel a little weird and empty at first, but I also feel lighter and freer and ready for good things to come my way.

When I help clients get rid of physical clutter, I explain that they are making space for new projects, people, and opportunities to come into their life. Your advice for clearing out commitments is a nice complement to that advice.

By: Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome

Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 07:20:25 +0000

Wow! So thoroughly researched and such great advice! I don’t usually do a comment that just says “yay!” but this one merits it.

YAY!

By: Ali

Ali — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 06:52:13 +0000

Willie, I know just how you feel. My commitments are mostly things I genuinely enjoy – and the only way I could really tell myself that I needed to give some up was to focus on two big, core goals. (”Would I rather childmind or finish my novel some time this year?” puts it into perspective a bit…)

Ray, glad the timing worked for you! Well done on resigning. It sounds like exactly the sort of committee/meeting that would frustrate and annoy me. (I can’t see the point of meetings unless actions are agreed and then *carried out*.) There’s a huge danger in being self-employed (you’re not UNemployed, you’ve got the business) in that people expect you to be free whenever – I’m a part-time student so this is usually my excuse when I need people to see that just because I’m not in an office 9-5 doesn’t mean I’m not busy…

Sid, you’re right about it being tough to keep the time requirement of a commitment down: it’s easy to get sucked in. (I find it especially hard when I see something that needs doing, and I know I’m the person with the best skillset for it … that’s how I ended up taking on our church’s website and typing minutes!)

Thanks Jonathan, great way of putting it. I’d rather not be a wandering generality …! (It sounds like some sort of obscure grammar term, doesn’t it, like a dangling participle…)

Andrew, I think you’ve got it spot on there – I’m finding it becomes easier to say “no” the more that I make it a habit. And yes, it’s far better to say “no” upfront than to take something on halfheartedly and do a poor job of it – not good for you or the other people involved.

By: Andrew

Andrew — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 02:38:04 +0000

Good call Ali,

This applies to EVERYTHING in life – it’s a lot harder to wriggle your way out of commitments later on. Once you start saying ‘no’ a few times it’ll become a glorious habit! Looming office deadlines, babysitting, anything – whether it’s your boss or your friend they’ll be put out at first but they’ll get over it, they’ll be a lot more peeved if you bail out later.

By: jonathanfigaro

jonathanfigaro — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 17:48:13 +0000

Be Clear About What You Do Want
What a great title. We need to be clear about exactly what we want to accomplish and need to attain. If not we become wandering generalities instead of meaningful specifics.

By: Sid Savara

Sid Savara — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:45:12 +0000

Great article Ali!

I especially like the part about being up front with what you can commit to if you absolutely cannot get out of something.

The hard part then though is actually holding yourself to only an hour a week if they actually need more help than that. Easier said than done for me!

By: ray

ray — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:27:52 +0000

How very true is THIS article?
Your timing for this is as ever impeccable Ali, I have just resigned well, emailed my resignation, from the committee of a “new style” of residents association which has been long overdue in its formation. To be honest I felt a little like a square peg in a round hole, being one of three residents from this town and they only really wanted 2 originally. I attended a few meetings, they listened politely to my ideas and took no action. So to maximise my time with the Reflexology business and other things I want to do, I just had to say NO sorry and all that, but I just have not got an extra 50 hours per week to do what they wanted of me. I think because they knew I am unemployed that I have got all the time in the world. I would have loved to do the research work they wanted of me, but, something had to give, and for once, I found it quite easy to say no, because I was determined it wasn’t going to be me.

By: Willie Hewes

Willie Hewes — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:01:53 +0000

This is a really important thing for me right now. I’m way overcommitted, and have been for a long time, but it’s hard to extract myself from all these things I *want* to do. Saying “no” to the new and “not anymore” to the old is definitely something that comes with practice, but even so it remains hard.