Getting Back on Top of Life

This post is a sequel of sorts for “When Overwhelm Hits Hard“.

You’re struggling with a burden that you’ve been carrying too long. It felt fine, even easy, when you picked it up, but as you walked, it seemed to grow heavier and heavier. You’re getting tired, too. You’re not strolling along easily any more. You’re not enjoying the journey. Every step feels like a big effort – and you can’t understand why.

Sounds familiar? I reckon it’s not just me who feels like that from time to time.

Life can get hard. This isn’t always to do with external events (in fact, you can probably think of times when you were happy and thriving despite everything the world threw at you).

It’s like this: there’s a black cloth over your eyes, turning your world grey. There’s a static hiss obscuring the soundtrack of your life.

You know – you know – that some or most or all of this is in your own head. That doesn’t make it a jot easier. It just makes you beat yourself up. Why can’t I cheer up? I should pull myself together. I need to be stronger. There must be something wrong with me.

Maybe it’s biochemistry. Maybe it’s hormones, tiredness, your diet, your lifestyle. Maybe it’s a dark mood which you just can’t shake off. Whatever it is, you feel like you’re being slowly crushed.

Don’t Kick Yourself When You’re Already Down

First things first. It is okay to feel down. There’s such a focus on happiness that we end up feeling like failures (and making ourselves miserable) when we’re not happy.

You might not like how you’re feeling. You might tell yourself, over and over again, that your feelings are all in your head and you’ve got the power to choose them. And yes, in a sense you do. But it really helps if you start by accepting how you feel right now (even if it’s crappy).

Don’t wallow. Don’t get caught up in a relentless downwards spiral. Don’t guilt-trip or tell yourself that you shouldn’t feel this way. Describe the feeling to yourself. I’m angry and frustrated. I’m lonely. I’m upset and scared.

Notice that you are not your feeling. However overwhelming or frightening or unpleasant your emotions can be, they’re not you. You are a whole lot more than that.

Lighten the Load

If you’re finding every little step a struggle, maybe you’re carrying too heavy a load. It’s often hard to see what’s weighing you down: sometimes, “tiny” things can be surprisingly significant. You might not even realise how much they were on your mind until you get them off it…

Maybe you’ve been putting off a phone call for weeks, and it keeps creeping into your thoughts. Once you get it over with, you suddenly feel lighter.

Perhaps you’ve taken on a commitment which drags at you constantly. It was one of those “little jobs” which you would’ve felt churlish to refuse … but now you’re finding that it’s a lot heavier than it looks. Just ditching that one task could make you feel much better.

I find that it can really help to write down what’s bothering me. Often, having a lot of little unresolved tasks on my plate is much more draining than having one or two big projects – and by ticking off lots of the little things, I start feeling better almost instantly. It’s like the sun’s come out and the clouds are blowing away.

It’s Ok to Rest

When you’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to end up going in circles. You’re feeling overwhelmed; you don’t know where to begin sorting through all the stuff that makes up your life; you’re afraid that if you stop, you’ll be left behind for good…

As the fantastic Andy Hayes said in a comment: “I always push harder than I should, and sometimes, you just have to stop. Breathe. And maybe pray.”

I’d rather be someone who know when to stop, rest, breathe and get going than be someone who refuses to take a break, struggles on miserably, and ends up exhausted and burnt out.

You don’t need any reason to rest. You don’t have to find a way to justify it to yourself. It doesn’t matter if John Smith works more hours than you do, or if Sally Jones brings up five kids single-handedly. You’re living your life, and if taking a break helps you enjoy it more, then it’s a no-brainer, surely?

Plus, very often, taking a break is the fastest route out of overwhelm. Take off that burden for a while – maybe a couple of hours, maybe a couple of weeks – and it’ll be a heck of a lot lighter when you pick it up again. (You might even find that you’re carrying a lot of stuff which you can do without.)

Step by Step by Step…

Sometimes, it is hard to take a break. Maybe you have deadlines, financial problems, or a lot of commitments which you just can’t get away from. If that’s the case, then the best thing you can do is to find the easiest possible path forwards.

Don’t look at the whole maze of life which you need to navigate. Just look for the next few steps which’ll get you closer to where you want to go.

That might mean going for some quick wins. Instead of that all-consuming project, how about taking on an easy task or two to get your bills paid? Instead of spending hours spring-cleaning your entire home, how about tackling the few areas which really make a difference to your mood?

One of the best ways I’ve found to get out of overwhelm is to take some small, positive action – to take one step forwards. Perhaps it’s dealing with an annoying but fairly simple task. Maybe it’s getting one key habit in place, like exercising daily, or clearing my desk at the end of each day.

It’s great to have big dreams and grand visions, but when you’re struggling to get back on top of life, focus on how you can move forwards right now. What’s the next step?

Note: I’ll be posting a little less often than usual (around once a week) for the next few weeks, as I finalise wedding plans and then head off on honeymoon. (Woo!!) To make sure you don’t miss out , you might want to get the Aliventures RSS feed or get posts by email: