Do You Care About Being Normal?

One of the most significant shifts in my life in the past few years has been away from the norm.

To be honest, I’ve never been “normal”. As a teenager, I was bright, geeky, and preferred the company of other adults to other teenagers (who felt like a different species from me). But I followed a pretty “normal” track through life:

• I went to school (aged 5 – 18)
• I took my GCSEs (UK exams, taken aged 16)
• I took my A levels (aged 18)
• I went to university

And after university, I was floored. The “normal” path through life which “everyone” followed had suddenly vanished. There were way too many options.

So I did what most of us do when we’re scared and confused. I looked around at what seemed “normal”. What was “expected” of my peer group – not necessarily by ourselves or our families, but by the media and society.

• I took the first job offer I got (even though I knew it wasn’t really “me”)
• I moved away from home, and into London

For two years, my life looked pretty “normal”. I worked 8.30-5, and had weekends off. I didn’t find my job especially fulfilling, but that was pretty much what I’d expected of a job.

I found that I wasn’t happy being normal.

I slowly got into blogging, found people who definitely weren’t very normal – and who were happy about it.

It’s almost two years since I left my job – the only “proper” job I ever had – and became self-employed. It’s not a normal route. My friends from university have either stayed in academia or gone into employment.

And I’m a heck of a lot happier. And this is why…

We Cling to Normal (Even Though We’re Not)

Almost by definition, you’re not “normal”. No one is. “Normal” implies a certain range of behaviour which is accepted, around a particular point (”average”). But we all have particular skills, gifts, qualities – and weaknesses and deficits – which makes us not “normal” in some ways.

It’s tempting to cling onto being “normal”, though. Because:

• If you follow the “normal” path, you don’t have to think too hard (you might not even be able to see any other options).
• If you’re “normal”, you won’t get picked out and picked on.
• There’s safety in numbers. If something’s “normal”, it seems like it should be the right path.

We all have a tendency to follow the herd. If you’ve found a great group of people who share your values, then this herd mentality can be a good thing: it helps encourage you to live up to them.

But if you’re basing “normal” on a view gleaned from school, from the newspapers and from adverts, you’re chasing an illusion.

The Limits of Normal

If something is normal, we often can’t see another option. Take this one:

• It’s normal for kids to go to school.

Normal? Don’t kids have to go to school?

In most countries, nope. Children can be educated at home. (Just like it’s “normal” for adults to go to work for an employer, but there’s nothing stopping them being self-employed.)

When you’re surrounded by people doing a particular thing in one way, it’s easy to end up thinking that’s the only way. Keep an eye out for other paths.

“Normal” often doesn’t work. If you followed a “normal” Western diet, it wouldn’t be very healthy. If you took a “normal” approach to finances, you’d be in debt with your head in the sand.

Breaking Away from Normal

I’d be the first to admit that it’s hard to get away from the normal path. I’m getting better at not worrying about what other people think, but I’m not there yet. I loved this story from Vlad Dolezal -

I was walking down the street the other day, and I saw a well-dressed woman in her twenties.

So far, nothing special. Except this woman was balancing on a railing between the sidewalk and a grassy lawn, with her arms outstretched, slowly walking forward.

(Read the rest of the story here – Be Yourself. Unapologetically.)

- but I’m still scared of standing out in public.

When I was planning to leave my job, I knew it would take a while for my family to “get it”. I was hugely lucky that everyone near me – Paul, my mum, my dad – were really supportive.

Getting away from normal doesn’t have to mean doing things which are crazy or dangerous or radical. Breaking away from normal might mean:

• Eating a healthy diet
• Being debt-free
• Spending lots of quality time with your kids
• Being involved in your community
• Keeping a journal
• Reading a book every week

Any time you feel that you “have to” do something, or that “everyone” lives in a certain way, that’s normality trying to get hold of you.

The truth is, there are precious few things which you have to do.

There are no alarms or fences along the edges of the “normal” path. You can step right off, and most of the world won’t even notice.

If you want some inspiration, encouragement or food for thought, try:

Freak Revolution by Pace and Kyeli Smith (the whole blog is awesome, but check out the Manifesto in particular)

We think it’s normal to work all day every day at a dead-end job. It’s normal to fight with our spouses and our children. It’s normal to eat and drink and drug ourselves to escape, to veg out and stare at a screen for hours a day just to dull the pain. It’s normal to hate our lives and be miserable, it’s normal to be lonely, it’s normal to feel hollow.

Weird. (Cartoon from Subnormality – thanks to Vlad Dolezal for pointing me to this one!)

Do You Have the Weirdo Syndrome? by Charlie Gilkey

One of the things that comes up over and over again in my conversations with a lot of the cool, creative people that I meet is what I’m calling the Weirdo Syndrome. The Weirdo Syndrome is the love/hate relationship some people have with their own uniqueness.

And share your own thoughts on being normal – or not! – in the comments. Are there areas of your life when you’ve gone against the norm? How did it work out?