2009: Adventures, Ventures and Lessons Learnt

If you’re not a Productive Flourishing reader already, (a) you’re missing out, get the feed now and (b) if you’re a creative type who makes or hopes to make some dosh from what you love, you might want to read my first ever Productive Flourishing guest post: Why You’re Undervaluing Yourself (And How to Stop).

My birthday falls on December 12^th and this year, I turned twenty-five. This makes December a doubly good opportunity for me to step back, take stock, and think about what I’ve done, and what I’ve learnt, over the past year.

Rather than giving you the play-by-play details of my year, I’m going to pull out some key points which relate to what I’m doing here on Aliventures and which, I hope, will offer a grab-bag of things to think about.

January – March: In Which I Decide “No More Websites”, and that I Will Never Be a Drug Dealer

Early in the year, I landed a Big Gig. Well, big to me; it was with a real company who paid me an hourly rate for website redesign (some of this outsourced to the then-boyfriend-now-fiance-Paul, who has infinitely more skill and patience with graphics things than I do) and recreation, involving coding things (that’s my domain).

This was exciting and scary, and I learnt a lot. I found that I prefer writing to doing websites, because it’s more predictable and consistent. I found that, for me, working with companies is less fun than working for one-(wo)man-band bloggers.

I earned a good chunk of cash for it. Literally, cash. I won’t name the company involved, but after a delay paying the invoice and a few emails, they wanted to meet me in London and pay me in banknotes.

The invoice was for a little under £2,000.

Long story short: I now know that I will never want to be a drug dealer. (Okay, there are other reasons against it too…) They gave me the money outside Piccadilly Circus tube station in central London, and I shoved wads of notes into my bag. The tube station has several entrances; I walked around it to a different one, hoping that no muggers were making a beeline for me. I got on a tube. I felt like I had a giant glowing neon sign above me screaming mug me, mug me.

I got home safe. I took Paul with me to pay the money into my bank. There are advantages to having a 6 ft 4 bloke, built like a rugby player and in a black leather coat, when you’re a 5 ft 2 woman…

Lessons Learned:

• Specialise. Yes, like every beginning freelancer, I thought I should cast my net as wide as possible … but I’ve put my rates up since focusing purely on writing – I’m becoming, to my astonishment, a fairly well-known name around the blogosphere. It’s also meant regular work and no more hustling for gigs.
• You’re responsible for your own honesty – not other people’s. I can’t think of a good reason for the company needing to pay cash (I said I’d take a check – in a foreign currency if necessary, and I offered Paypal, bank transfer…) I did consider whether I should refuse. But I figured all I could do was make sure that I’d included that money in my accounts correctly.

April – June: In Which I Learn to Ski, and Attend a Seminar and Meet Some Very Cool People

I learnt to ski in April, which reminded me that however impossible something seems at first, it rapidly gets easier. (I spent most of the first day falling over, then snowploughing extremely slowly down the gentlest slope possible. When I tackled a larger slope, my stopping method was similar to the one I use in Grand Theft Auto: run into something.)

On June 20^th, I went to Naomi Dunford’s first ever live seminar, which was awesome. I was a happy little fan girl because I got to meet Naomi (and Naomi’s mom!) and I also met a bunch of very cool people, many of whom are now Twitter friends and at least one or two even read Aliventures (hello, #frealistic people!)

Plus, it was the first time I’d ever met someone, in real life, (I think it was Mark but may be remembering wrong) who’d actually seen my name online. A great thrill!

I’d always been a bit sceptical about seminars – buying a book seems much better value, and much more snugly within the comfort-zone for me in my more introverted moments. But I realised how different the learning experience is in a face-to-face, bunch-of-us-in-a-room context. I came away  feeling much more motivated about what I was doing, and I launched Aliventures a month later.

Lessons Learned:

• Everyone falls over on the first day. When you try something new, whether it’s learning to ski, doing an impromptu speech for the first time at Toastmaster’s, or writing a blog post, it’s going to come rather short of what you’d like to be able to do. Hey, that’s normal. We all start somewhere.
• Try a seminar. Definitely try a seminar if one of the bloggers/writers/speakers who you particularly admire is giving it. It’s worth it just for the buzz of meeting them. Also, however much you might wish you didn’t, you probably have a stack of books and audio programs you’ve not read or listened to. A seminar puts a nice time-box around learning something new. It also lets you meet fantastic, crazily talented, people.

July – September: In Which I Finish the First Draft of My Novel

During the summer, I finished the first draft of my novel. I’ve had the gem of the idea for this story since early 2006, and in many ways, my creative writing MA is a way to give myself legitimised time and a structure for writing it. So I’m writing way more than I actually need to for the demands of the MA.

It’s not the first novel I’ve written: previous attempts include a near future sci-fi novella, written in a notebook in the school library during lunchtimes when I was 14/15 (yes, I wasn’t exactly Miss Sociable then, either), and a fairly traditional-style fantasy one that I wrote as an undergraduate, plus an attempt in NaNoWriMo 2007 at a chick lit novel set in Cambridge University (in retrospect, that may have been doomed from the start…)

This one, though, has something different about it. For one thing, I’ve improved as a writer. (I dug out those teenage notebooks a while back and … oh dear.) But I’ve also learnt to write more from the heart and less from the head, with the patient tuition of Francis Spufford and Pam Johnson, and with a fantastic peer group of fellow MA student writers. The novel is more complex than anything I’ve tackled before. It’s fun and challenging to write, it explores stuff that really interests and intrigues me.

It also reveals a lot more about me than I intended or expected. I see the not-so-good aspects of me reflected in the characters. I’ve written my fears, and my uncertainties, and my darkest moments into this novel. Like I wrote about a couple of weeks ago, writing fiction is scary and exciting all at the same time.

Lessons Learned:

• Structure REALLY helps with big, non time-bound goals. I’m partly writing a lot more because I left the day job before starting my MA – but also because I have regular classes, tutorials and workshops. Taking an academic course also gives the writing legitimacy in my mind – and to friends and family. That perhaps isn’t how it should be, but it’s been a help. If you’ve got a creative or academic hobby, can you take a course in it?
• Feedback is crucial. There are so many parts of this novel which have benefitted immensely from the feedback I’ve had from tutors, other students, and from Paul (who has occasionally been known to turn his hand to fiction). I’ve found that, with fiction, it’s impossible to get it as good as you want it to be without reader feedback.

October – December: In Which I Find Space and Acceptance

I’ve been particularly blessed this autumn to form a stronger friendship with T. at my church. She helps me, I help her, and we lean on one another for support and strength. We’ve also started working on a (non-fiction) book together, which is just now switching from the planning to the writing stage.

T. has a lot of wisdom, gained through some very hard times. She’s older than me, and has a bigger perspective on life. She’s also a more naturally heart-centred person than me; I tend to be more head-focused. She’s teaching me to simply accept that being Ali is enough. I don’t have to do things, I don’t have to be anxious about pleasing people – I’m accepted just as I am.

It was T. who encouraged me to go on a weekend’s retreat in November. I’d been having a busy time – with university, church, the novel, various online endeavours – and I felt much in need of a break. For a while, I’d been feeling quite spiritually low.

The retreat was a fantastic experience. I got the space that I needed to work through some struggles, particularly about my conception of God. I slept more than usual. Before and during the retreat, I had some vivid dreams which helped me to realise some truths. (I normally blame weird dreams on too much late night TV watching – but these ones really spoke to me.)

I learnt to sit, to be still, to stop worrying about the most productive use of an hour, and to simply spend time in prayer and reflection. I managed to bring some of the stillness away with me; I’m getting better at finding moments of stillness during the day, and I’m particularly making more effort to do so at the start of the day, before rushing into writing my novel or blog posts.

Lessons Learned:

• Retreats work. I’m a Christian – and though I don’t write much about that, it underlies everything I do – but there are plenty of retreats which are geared towards other faiths, or no faith at all. The main point for me was to leave everything behind: emails, work, even family, friends and church activities. If you can, book up a weekend away from life at some point in the new year. You’ll return with an amazingly renewed perspective and sense of enthusiasm.
• You are enough. When you feel driven to prove yourself, to work harder, to be more productive, to do more … find some space. Give yourself a breather. You’re a uniquely wonderful person just as you are. That’s a hard truth for me to come to realise, and it may well be hard for you too, but keep working at it. I will be.

Have a fantastic end to 2009, and a strong start to 2010. I won’t be blogging here for the next couple of weeks as I’ll be travelling and spending time with family, but I’ll be back on 4^th January. If your brain is likely to be addled by eggnog and mulled wine, you may want to get updates by RSS or by email (pop your address in the box below) so that you don’t forget to come back .

Merry Christmas!